I like music, any kind I see fit/worth moving my body too.
I like Raw sounds, Truthful lyrics.
sounds I can crave.

I like learning, sharing, conversing, taking in, helping, Creativity, orgionality, spiritualality.

I like Sex, human relationships, Diversity, Beauty, Intelligince, any kind of art.

I like Independent films.

I like Magizines like Vouge, Elle, and National Geographic.

I like Science, and Cosmotoligy.
I like any Body Mods.


Especially tattoos and Gauges.

I like water.
Swimming, bathing, and drinking.

I like Southern Comfort, and Menthol Cigarettes.

I like partying, and being loud and routy and crazy.


I admire girls that don't get embarassed.
I like girls that are out there.
I like girls that are tough.

I like sexual people, I'm fairly kinky.
and VERY open about my sexuality.
I think Pole dancing and burlesque are arts.
I would like too pursue, aswell as modeling for SuicideGirls.
(my dream since I was 13)

I like Brutal Honesty, Borderline harsh Criticism.

I wish I was school smart.
And that I could understand things like math.


I like Animals, they are beautiful.
I like every peice of Nature.

I like exploring.

I like the ocean.
I miss It alot.

I'm a sucker for routy boys with tons of personality,
good fashion, good food, photography, music (any kind), Page turning books, Sour Candy, Dreadlocks, Nagchampa, fun times.

I like helping other people.
like working with Kids, I have been working a bunch with the special ed kids at My high school lately, I don't mind Donating for a good cause When I can, I am part of my school Environmental Club.

I would make a good mother, just don't want too be anytime soon because I love partying too much.

I don't really want a serious relationship right now aswell, I'm not sure If I'll ever want one.
I'm pretty bipolar about certain things.
dating would be one.

I like Gardens alot.
flowers and plants.
I would like too have an awesome great garden some day.

As well as other aspirations for my life, asides Modeling for,SuicideGirls...
I would like Too be the first in my family too finish high school, I intend too work as a dancer also and save some serious bank, I want too get a house, maybe with a roomate or two.
I would like too eventually go too art school, before hand maybe take some classes at OTC.
I don't particularly want too stay in springfield, but I don't mind it for now.
I want too have atleast one child in the future, I'm not sure I want a "baby's Daddy"
only for finacial help, I don't want anyone else too have influence on my child's develpoment.
I would love Too own my own head shop someday, when i get old move out too CA and retire.

I would love too Travel though,
I want too see Europe.
I would love too go around too all kinds of music Festivals,
and concerts.

I really wish I was less picky.
and that I ate Vegitibles, drank Tea, and beer, could stomach Chocolate, and most other hard alcohol beverages.

In about two weeks I am starting my Summer Job at Taco Bell.
Which I am excited for, I really need money.
too be more independent.

I'd like too have a car by this summer.
If I get finacial help from my grandfather,
I want a Ford Expidition sport, dark blue.
I'd like too move out after my senior year which I know will be very hard.
But I am sure and am dying too gain independence and I know I can do this.

So hard too define"
Lyrics of my favorite song.

but that statement must be true, who really defines who we are?
It seems too me as though You born into it or you work for it.
No matter what there is always somebody too judge you,
but who decided the way things must be seen for?

What the Judging comes within yourself though,
and you yourself feel as if you don't do much right?
and your just not pleased.

I'm not pleased, I think I am letting my priorties jumbled,
My values comprimised.

I simply need too start working hard,
I am the only one who can do things for myself.

I'm VERY frustrated that I get so infatuated easily.












V I N C E N T M O S C O S O
yeah.
Untouchable, flawless.
He is making me question what I want.
I mean I know I want him.
soooo badly.
But how is he doing this too me?

I used too loath the thought of admitting I like some one,
maybe this is just a phase for me,
It feels sooo good though.
who knows?

no one ever does.


In other matters of my life,
Drama is resolved (:
good.

haven't been working out much.
bad.

Crush on hot FL boy who is returning too be mine mine mine (:
Good.

Mrs.Hillmer doesn't let me drop my retched Math Class, that I DON'T Need.
Bad.

My dreams that I'm good work for i.e-
Graduating, S.G., California, trying too get some modeling job out there? Save, Travel, Music Festivals, maybe settle down and have a boyfriend, Tattoos, My Art, get a pitbull, learning how too work that pole ($$$$$)
Good.

Getting through Lib&Law.
Bad.

But My dreams are over powering the bad right now.

I REALLY want too go out there, get away from here.
I'll miss my friends soo much.
But I'll all be worth it.
so who knows, I'll have too see when i get there.

There's a bit on my mind,
yet not alot of words.

I have been listening too ALOT of radio head lately.
I am fucking inlove with it.
I can't explain the feeling that music gives me,
It's beautiful, and sad in a way, yet happy.
I just wanna nap in my bed and listen too it with someone that I really care about.

Haha, I have been weirding myself out alot lately...
I have been missing that closeness or whatever kind of satisfaction you get from a relationship.

I miss it.

anyways, I'm currently listening too coldplay, yeah I know.
but whatever I like it.
It's beautiful, maybe not anything spectacular like how radio head is too me.
but the sound just fits my mood right now.

I don't think I just feel lonely, but somehow I feel alone.
If that makes since.
It's been 18 days since Zach has been gone.

School is getting better,
but It's still all weird not having his glowing presence not amoung the crowded kickapoo hallways..

I miss him alot.
I think about him for a little bit every night.
It's hard.

I know it will get better though,

I wish I could fix everything.

this year is gonna bring so much.

I've been thinking alot lately.

about my life.

I'm so young.

I don't want too layout it out,
and have everything planned..

but I have been having doubts about alot of things.

I'm scared too put in a application for suicide girls,

I don't want too face the rejection I'd feel If they didn't want me.

because that is one of my dreams.



My math class is REALLY hard too me, I feel like I don't understand anything.
not even if it's explained.
but I don't even care about it.

Idk.

what does my future hold?

I have no idea what I am gonna do with my life.

None of my dreams even sound realistic.

I set myself up for constant dissapointment, we already know this yes...

My current example:

Vincent Moscoso

Not any other name sounds better of my tounge.

I hardly even know this boy,
but he has gotten in my head.

I just want too figure him out.

I know ALL life is, is time and expierince but for Vincent I am running out of time.
He is moving away too Flordia like Febuary 4th.

It sucks.

He is really handsome,
and he seems really deep.

I'm not sure what too make out of this.
He say's "we're foolin' ourselves"

Yes, probably true.

But it's only once in a great while, you meet a person worth while.

I think we'll atleast make good friends.

and friends, oh yes the subject of friends.

I have felt kind of distant lately, but oh well...

Hayley and me are getting closer...

I have realized how hard she fell for Claude.

She feels soo crushed,
It kinda makes me remeber how that is the worst feeling in the world.





loosing someone.


and then Paige, It seems like she's gone since she moved too Nixa.
I miss her soo much.
I don't ever get too see her, but I have never felt this far apart from her.

she is my bestfriend, and she keeps me going and strong.
I miss her sooo much.
I need her really.


I wish things were simple, I wish I could figure it all out,
part of me doesn't want too and is just living it all up like a should.

I think I'm happy, I just feel alone.

I'm so fine on my own.
but I guess things are just kinda getting too my head.
I shouldn't let them, but whatever.

I actually heard from my old funky crush, Myke Tee,
the one I assumed had lost intrest.
I think i lost intrest, honestly.
he texted me last night
"srry you haven't haeard from me in a while I don't have my comp but I still want your body"


WANT YOUR BODY?

god.

I am foolin myself.

with everything.


I just need too stop and get my head straight.

I had a anxiety attack today at school.
It sucked.

I'm just not sure where everything is going,
I guess I need too shut up and just go with it.

life was without gravity..





this has become my aspiration aside from Suicide Girls,
I even talked too my parents about taking lessons,
and they are totally cool with it.

I'm am very excited


when people hear pole dancing they assum neon-bikkinis and slutty girls,
throwing dollar bills at them,

Well those girls are talented,
pole dancing is beautiful,
and takes talent

I want too learn so bad,
look at the girls spin that pole like they are weightless,
it's amazing too watch

I want too be a part of that.

I want too commit my self

and practice alot and hard and succede

because I don't have any hobbys or talents and I think If I work hard I can really do this

I will never in my life forget you.
You were one of the happiest people I have ever met in my life,
always posi, good vibes all the way.
you were my homeboy.


and it sucks you had too see the end so soon.
I miss you kid, really.

omg.
fucking HELLA amazing.
no lie.










www.myspace.com/77jefferson


My good friend Jason saw them a while back and told me all about them,
but I never got around too checking them out until the other day.
but jahhh tis good music and I can't wait too see them.

funky boys are grand,
on the other hand life is confusing.

Christmas was good, the new year is approaching.

I have completely given up on Scotty and my potential friendship.
He is too immature, and Hypocritical, and annoying.

on the other hand,
I met this really hot guy at jah roots.
I mean gahhh DAMN he is soo fine.
yesshh.

and he came back too me under slim odds.

okay here is the story-

Me and Nick went down town for Art Walk & Jah Roots,
Me and Sam Doty, My pregnant friend,
at that time was on shady terms with her "babies daddy" (if you will)
we were planning on going too Jah Roots together too hit on hot guys with Dreads,
well she ended up not going so I went with nick.
We stood out front like an hour early so we were one of the first people let in when they started letting people in.
it was cool

So then Enters,
this funky boy.
He walks by Casual says "nice dreads"
and I say "you too"

he walks off.
Not until the end of Jah Roots,
I tell Nick, "take your shirt off and throw it too jah"
so he does.
after there set Speakeasy is getting ready for there set.
Nick's Skinny limbs are naked,
here returns the hot funky guy,
and says "hey man, I saw you throw your shirt, that was really cool, I have two shirts if you need one"
and Nick is like "sure"
the place is loud filled with drunken chatter and music,
we scramble our way through the crowded Remmington's floor near the bathrooms.

The hot funky guys hands me his prized hoodie and says:

Can I trust you too hold this, seriously that is my favorite hoodie, I would be soo sad if you took that, I mean that is your boy, I'm juss trying too help him out, please don't take it.
I would be soo sad"

I'm like I'm okay, I wont.

so him and nick disapear into the bathroom, they return, I'm thinking about how hot this funky kid is, and told nick I wished I would of Danced with him.
Nick is high out of his mind, and just happy and amazed by the fact this hot funky kid gave him a Frat T-shirt

hahah

Well Then the funky kid dispears into the crowd and into the night, before speakeasy finishes there second song, me and nick decide too retire for the night.

We go home,
about 16 or so days later my ex Sam tells me on myspace too check out his band,
and sure enough The funky hot guy, or Myke Tee, or Michael Turner is the lead singer and bass player of his band.
and we've been talking and we hung out and I'm definatley getting a crush.
It is lame.

haha
but whatever.

I doubt anything serious will ever happen because Sara + Myke
those names just don't sound that right for eachother.
yehh know?

hahah I am fucking lame.

but yeah this kid has a cool ass personality and I'm glad I have met him.
the end!!

Death.


It's been a long time since I have lost some one I have truly cared about,
too death.

As I am waiting for my phone too ring, I'm thinking.

Today was an odd day.
I started out Actaully VERY wide awake, for some one who got up at 6 am, and went too bed at 2 am.
anyways, My mom was being a HUGE bitch, and she usually is not.
I got too school my day was pretty fun,
In fourth Block Bylander was being a bitch though.
and I've learned I have too censor myself, because If I say the wrong things,
certain people in that class I cannot trust.
whatever.
I don't need too pour out on too people at school anyways.
But I am slowly becomming better friends with this girl, Alex Howard.
she's cool.
I get home, and I find my pet fish has died.

Well you don't know me that well,
But my pet fish are like, I don't know the beat of my heart, and the stars in my sky.
Jamal Benjiman, he was no ordinary Betta.
He was special.
I guess everyone thinks there fish is special though, well not everyone.
IDK, Scotty never understood it, he was like;
How can you love a fish?
You can't pet it, or walk it, or touch it, it's pointless.
Well I like fishes, because they AREN'T dicks.
They behave, usually (haha)
They are messy, or costly.
you don't have too train them,
There are plenty of reasons too be a fish lover.
But most importantly, okay souns kind of crazy.
but you can talk too them.
watch them pace swim back and fourth there fins like rainbow fans gently stroking the water as they glide through it.
they are beautiful, they are classy.
But so you sit down and you talk too them, and you pour it out too them.
and It's like they listen.
I loved my fish.
Jamal, well he was beautiful.

aurgh, well after I discovered his floating corpse.
(which Nick was with me)
I just started too cry.
I called Paige, she kinda laughed.
But she knows what I mean.
she has a fish too.

But yeah,
Nick kinda just stares at it.
and says "should we flush him, or burry him?"
We decided too burry him.
In a small box, about 1 inch deep, 4 x 4 inches long.

I think the box origninally contained some kind of cheap christmas Jewlery you buy at a Dollar store. The box it's self contained a little thin cotton pad, which I sprinkled some Meal-Wrom Betta food on for him too take too his afterlife. The bow was red, bright red, and covered with a pattern of little green holly leaves, trimmed with gold.

We took the small coffin too the back yard, nick dug a hole about 8 inches wide and 5 or so inches deep.

Nick asked me If I wanted too say something.
I then began a speech about the day I bought him from one of those small plastic cup containers at wal*mart, how he was the smallest one. I mentioed how he died a virgin, and That I hope in his after life he will live on it an ocean, and maybe have alot of fish sex.

I went back inside and cleaned the bowl for my other fish, who is a Betta fish also, a male.
His name is Bad Fish, after the Sublime song.

I kind of put this Death too the back of my mind.
for about an hour.
But I washed out his bowl, and scrubbed it clean and left it sitting on the counter of my bathroom..

When I came in there about an hour later too pee,
And I noticed the empty bowl sitting on the corner of the counter empty and alone.
and As I was peeing,
It hit me.
Damn.
My fish, Jamal.
He was gone.
He was really gone.
Almost as if he was never there too really begin with.

We're all gonna die someday,
But I'm not sad, just made me start too think about life.

How I am living mine.
Today Nick said "Women are most vulnerable after a funeral, they are thinking about deatand life and pro-creation"

I started thinking more about that,
and relationships.

I was talking too claude on the phone.
and he pretty much told me that he was comming too see me.
It perked my mood, I must say.
but he followed it by; "Then After your house I shall walk too Hayley's."
I didn't know what too say besides "Isn't it cold, for that long of a walk?"
oh well.

Our conversation quickly ended,
I came too the realization.
Life is life.
and it is the only one you have, as you are now.
make it full and worth something.
live happy, and free.

But is this game, happy? or Free?
It's a game of patience and constant dissapointment.
Which I already know I set myself up for, that's no joke.

But it hit me.
Claude is an AMAZING PLAYER.
He has Hayley, and Me.
both.
He sounds sencere about us, but he just can't seem too find a way too end things with her, too give her up.

And now I am here,
sitting.
Waiting,
for my phone too ring.
and it's not.

PS.
He never came over also, He had too go to the Lexus Dealership.
too settle some things about his car.
but whatever.
that is my day, I guess In a nut shell.

and our lips met.



Well last night was intresting.
He kissed me.
I kissed him,
and he kissed me.

He told me, he wished things would of been differant.
He wished I wouldn't of been with Scotty.
Things would be differant.
He told me his still loves me, and that he always will.
I like him soo much.
but I don't know how things are going too turn out.

anyways I think In my last blog I forgot too mention, I dyed my dreads, they are blonde and pink now.

and I quit my job yesterday.

other than that, life is pretty crazy a good right now.
I'm happy.

I've been lsitening too alot of Alicia keys she is amazing.
Oh gahhh.
She really is.

I'm confused where my life is taking me.

Here's too catch you up.

I watched a Life-Changing PETA video,
I don't wanna get into PETA, but It has opened my eyes too Animal Cruelty, and it's exstant.
Plus other world problems.
That will NEVER Probably be solved, sadly.

Ron Paul;
I think he should our next president.
Because He cracks my shit up.
I watched like a 30 minute interview and I really like him.

I went too an AMAZING Reggae Show.
Jah Roots, Jam Room, and SpeakEasy.
I Danced for ever, But I don't like Speakeasy.
they sounded like shit, Idk.
I only heard too songs, from the back of Remmington's.

I saw Scotty and I felt pretty shitty because he wouldn't even look at me,
But than later that night


when Claude picked Me & Nick up at Jimmy John's.
He drove his car exsactly like a character in a video game.
It was insane.
but yeah, after he dropped off Nick,
I felt this strange chemistry between us.
I thought we were gonna kiss, but we didn't.

Than Claude came over today,
and I felt it again,
It was strange but He told me he loved me,
and I told him I loved him too.
But I'm not sure that I love him in anyway other than a friend.
Even though I have this strange crush on him that gives me butterflies and he makes me smile and feel weak at the knees.
shit I can barely type.

but then after the exchange of "I love you"s I said
"I want too kiss you"
and he said "we will soon"

WE hugged REALLY tight,
and he left.
We didn't kiss.

I don't know.
What does this mean?
Why does he pop into my life?
We had this young, childish, but fun "love"
I think it was infatuation.
yeah that makes soo much more sense.

anyways,
I'm not sure what this means.
I have no idea where It is gonna go, or how anything is gonna happen, I can only guess.
But at the same time I don't want too, Should I just let whatever happen?
Or should I push him away?
I know If we get together It's going too be alot differant than last time.

I love him, but not the same way.
We'll be like good friends, but make out and shit.

I don't know..
akjshfka

I can barely type right now,
thinking about this is making me light headed.
it's weird.

Is so fucked up.
Too many problems too even start with.
I'm not a Vegan, I don't preach PETA.
But dood,
I don't even know what too say..

Watch this.
Really just watch it.



I'm Speechless.

i like that song, but anyways not much special today.
I'm dying my hair toomarrow hopefully.
i'm off work tomarrow C:
I need too go too bed.
but today was totally lame and un-eventful.
oh well...

I would like a mixed CD of:
1.Leather so Soft By: BirdMan & Lil' Wayne
2.Talk show host By: Radiohead
3.Five finger Discount By: Leftover Crack
4.Aha By: Mates of State
5.Born too be Dizzy By: Starlite Desperation
6.I get money By: 50 Cent
7.Put the blame on me By: Akon
8.No one By: Alicia Keys
9.Apoligize By: One Republic
10.Amsterdam By: Peter Bjorn & John.
11.Young Folks By: Peter Bjorn & John.
12.Paper Sun By: Traffic
13.Jammin' By: Bob Marley
14.Drinking for 11 By: Mad Caddies

I had three qauters sitting on the computer desk,
and my little three year old brother, Billiam snatched them and yelled "I get money"
So I laughed sooo hard,
and started listening too 50 cent's "I get money" and now he is singing it.
It's rather cute.

anyways.
thoughts on my mind.
1.Driving
2.My brother
3.I want it too be thursday
4.Jah Roots.
5.Sam & Stephen
6.Boy of my dreams.

1. I went for a marvelous car ride today, School got out early so mum took me to get my permit, but the DMV was closed so we drove all over town instead I starred at the sky, it was gorgeous, and we listened too Radio Head, It was perfect.

2.My brother, Timothy.
We are 18 months apart, so I think he is my closest in age sibiling, but he tried too slit his wrists. I told my mum today during the drive because I saw his cut about two days ago, It looks REALLY bad. It's straight down his wrist the right way even, it fucking deep as shit.
I think he is depressed because he has been sleeping alot lately, although a bottle of Trazidone went missing, hmm maybe my brother is a pill popper, and cuts himself, jesus.
that's shitty. I guess my parents suck at being parents because all of their kids are pretty fucked up, except for Billiam, but he is only three. but oh well.
Dysfunctional is real.
life is picture perfect, it's hard and full of problems.
I think he just needs help.
I never knew he was self-destructive though.
Weird.

3. I wish It was Thursday,
Because that is what today seems like.
If it was Thursday, then tomarrow would be Friday (ArtWalk/JahRoots).
I would have my pay Check, and my hair would probably be done.

4. Jah Roots. I'm sooo fucking stoked! YEAH I GET TOO DANCE. HOORAY.

5. Sam & Stephen are broken up, she is soo sad, I think Stephen is just scared and confused about her pregnancy.
But stephen grew up with out a dad, I think he'll think about evrything and come too his sences and help her.
I hope.
But in the mean time Sam is soo sad, it sucks.
I kind of wish I was her and she was me, so I could have a baby, and she wouldn't have too worry about it. oh well.

6. I want a boy.
A boy That's tall.
A boy that's funny.
A boy that drinks.
A boy that is light skin-mixed, or tan as fuck white.
A boy that is punk/Gangster.
A boy that can fight, but is a lover.
A boy with an amazing personality.
A boy with tattoos.
A boy that will treat me well.
A boy that will take me places.
A boy with piercings.
A boy that can mosh, that can just dance.
A boy that can constant have fun.
A boy that maybe has long hair, maybe a sexy 'fro, or a mowhawk.
A boy that doesn't gt jealous.
A boy that is open too 2 girl threesoms.
A boy that can take care of himself.
A boy that's on his feet.
A boy that knows where he is going, or knows where he could go, but doesn't care.
A boy that wont fuck me over for drugs,
A boy that wont leave me behind.
A boy that will dance with me how-ever too OUR favorite mixed cd.
A boy that smells SOOOO good, with a sexy smile and amazing hygeine.
A boy that writes me little notes.
A boy that picks me shitty flowers.
A boy that will get naked and jump in a pool with me.
A boy who is smart.
A boy everyone loves.

Okay.
So In the last week of my life:
Boyfriend & I part.
My ex has feelings for me.
I get kicked out of my house.
I hook up with an old fling.
And then today...


I loose Scotty's friendship.

kind of shitty but I was talking too St. Louis,
and he told me that I can't worry about it.
because it's not my fault, as long as i didn't regret the things I have done.
I just need too smile.

which is frankly good advice compared too what everyone else tells me.

I feel pretty shitty about it,
but on another topic.

Dain.
Dain the meth head that hurt me REALLY bad.
He got his shit straight,
According too him he has been sober for 5 months,
and he wants too be friends.

Here's the drift.
He always told me about how he was gonna get sober,
and after the army he was gonna move too Oregon and start a Rock climbing gym with his brother.

Yesterday I found out that he just moved too Oregon, and now he is helping manage the rock climbing gym, he works at an art Gallery on the side of that,
and that he loves his new life,
and he is doing everything that he wanted.

I'm happy for him,
but at the same time...
why him?
Dain was soo fucked up into everything he was into.
why does he get this clean slate too freshen his life up.
He changed everything for the better..
and now he is happy and his dreams have come true.

Why does this not happen for everyone.
why can't a story go like this.
Aurgh.
It's lame.

but I have a stomach ache and I need too go eat something.
but yeah.

I still really wanna know why.

Is good.
Although last night I hooked up with Keri and Cody.
It was pretty hot not gonna lie.
but yeah.
I feel bad about it because it was just a week ago I'm upset over Scotty.
But of well.
I can't help they are both HELLA sexy and I was HELLA wasted, whatever.

And then,
I got kicked out of my house Wendsday.
I stayed over at Keri and Cody's but now I am back at home so I wonder how everything is gonna work.
hopefully alright.

anyways,
that's pretty much the only recent shit too go down, too take up space here is a myspace survery,
but I thought I'd post it on here so you could know a little about me.



1. Initials:
SNRC

2. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
I don't no anyone with them SAME birthday as me.

3. Favorite fruit?
Skittles

4. For or against same sex marriage?
for!!!!

5. Are you allergic to anything?
you.

6. Are you bisexual?
haha yes, actually.

7. Have you ever slept in someone elses clothes?
Yuhh

8. How many U.S states have you been to?
like 48.

9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in?
3

10. Have you ever lived outside the U.S?
No I have not.

11. Name something physical you like about yourself?
collar bone? DREADLOCKS?

12. Something non-physical you like about yourself?
I'm funnnnnnn

13. Do you have any pets?
Two fish & a dog named Black Guy.

14. What is your dream car?
Don't dream about cars.


15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
EVERYWHERE!

16. Are you bipolar?
Uhmm, people say I act like it.

17. Do you have ADD?
Nahh

18. Where would you want to go on a first date?
dates? haha fuck you

19. Would you date the person who posted this before you?
Haha I could See that happening,I got this From my friend Myka.
Scotty's ex girlfriend.

20. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
YEAH C:

21. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
no. fuck that. fuck the fourth of july. fuck fire works.

22. What was the last text message you received:
NO PHONEEEEEE

23. Have you ever bungee jumped?
nooope.

24. Have you ever white water rafted?
not at all.

25. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
hahaha yeah. ew

26. Are you racist?
Not in the least.

27. What song are you listening to right now?
Weird Fishes Arpeggi by: Radio Head C:

28. What's your favorite song at the moment?
anything by Radio Head.

29. What was the last movie you watched?
ummm I think It was 2 girls and a Guy, lame ass movie by the way.

30. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
Nick Leach's house!

31. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
hmmm

32. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
I've hit tons of people.

33. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Height! Hair, Style, piercings/tattoos, Hygeine, smell, eyes

34. What's your fav. body part on the opposite sex?
Ballsack C: hahaha lol Eyes, or collar bones.

35. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
EW

36. Say something totally random about yourself:
I like too eat cereal.

37. Do you have an iPod?
I did.

38. Do people tell you your pretty or Beautiful?
some days.

39. Do you have freckles?
Not really : /

40. Are you comfortable with your height?
Yesh.

41. Do you love someone right now?
MY NAGAS

42. How tall are you?
5'5

43. Do you speak any other language other than english?
no I do not.

44. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Nahhh

45. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
It happens.

46. Do you watch MTV?
sometimes, not really.

48. What's something that really annoys you?
being disspointed, waiting, feeling jealous, all kids of dumbshit

50. Do you like Michael Jackson?
Not Especially.

51. Have you ever surfed?
nahhh.

52. Do you know how to pump gas?
Yeahh pretty much, it's a basic skill really.

53. Do you drive?
hahahahahahaha about that...

54. What's the latest you have ever stayed out?
a week?


55. Have you ever thought that you were honestly in love?
EW.

56. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
not once.

57. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do?
I dare you too suck a dick.

58. What's your favorite state to live in?
California, childhood spent there.

59. What color is your hair?
Blonde.

60.What color are your eyes?
Blue with Green and Yellow.

61. Do you have any special talents?
Not really.

62. Favorite alcoholic drink?
So-Co C; oh jesus, yes.

63. Favorite city?
San Diego, or Las Vegas.

64. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull?
Negative.

65. If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be?
I wouldn't be.

66. Who do you live with?
mum+Broski's

67. Last thing you watched on TV?
Asian film. hahahahahahahaha

68. Do you wear glasses or contacts?
I wear glasses sometimes, but I don't need them.

69. Have you ever taken a roadtrip?
A few.

i think I am at 6?
I have no idea nor do I care.

Uhhh,
So I've overall had a VERY good day.

I'm working on this realistic still-life, It's progressing pretty well actaully.
Uhm,
But yeah.

I talked too Jah Roots.
Jah Roots is amazing Local band here in Springfield.

They might appear on MTV as Artists on the rise.

go got vote for them here,

http://mtv2ontherise.com/?em=014747

skip the intro.

& Voting is unlimited.
I voted 50 times.







^that's Jah Roots.
Look them up on myspace If you like Reggae.

But yeah,
Today I was thinking about How much I liked the Idea of me being with this sexy skinny punk-rock boy.

I liked that idea with this boy Michael before I got with Claude years ago.

I'm not really looking into even being intrested in him, but who knows where things will go.

We talked on the phone for 2 hours last night.
I don't know.
but it was fun.

Well sorry I still haven't thought of Intresting things too post,
but I will eventually.

I do.
He did it for me.
I'm going too be okay.
I'm just a little confused.
With Something an Ex threw on me.
Last night my ex Claude that I had refferd too in that other blog, the one before Scotty and I,
well before we parted.


I think it's Better too say "we parted" rather than
"broke up"

anyways..

Radio Head Is an amazing band and they are really helping me through this whole thing,
along with painting.
I was soo pissed earlyier today I started painting and got ALL of my anger out I'm really calm now.
I worte scotty and told him this.
I think everything is okay,

Scotty has Michigan,
And I'm more independent and less distracted,
and I'm realizing more things.

We're better off.
really.

but so anyways,
You never got too see Claude or Scotty or even Dain.
So I'm going through old pictures on the CPU too find one too post on here,
so If you read this you can visualize everything.


^this is a picture of Scotty with his friend Chase, Scotty has the red mowhawk and the amazing blue eyes.


^ Scotty and I together.



^I made that. Me and scotty.



^ Dain a couple of months before he left for basic Training



^that is me and Dain when he had his shaved head, that was most recent of him, AWOL from the army. (that was July)



^ I ran across this picture the other day, I like it alot.
Like if that wasn't me, of course it was so long ago, I can pretend it wasn't.
I'm a whole new person than I was.

me & Claude.



^ another one of me and claude.
hahaha wtf?
I'm trying too find one of us NOT kissing.



^ there.
claude

anyways I have too go get ready for work.
but I am in a good mood.
C:

I'm not sad, but I am.
It's hard too explain.
I'm not sure.
but here is a break up rant.



I wish you would be a man,
and not a little bitch.

You're so full of shit.
jesus.

You suck at breaking up with people.
and I wanted you too know, even though you'll never see this is that,
You wont find a girl that will treat you like I did.

I'm not gonna talk shit on you.
Because fuck, I nearly started too fall for you.

But in all honesty.
You're scared.
You are sooo fucking scared Scotty.
You say you want too get out,
But I know you fucking NEVER will.
I wish you would of moved too Hawaii.
But your lack of dedication too that was equviliant too that in our "relationship"
You took the pussy way out jesus.

You,
I don't even fucking know what I can say too you.
You gave me this amazing three months.
and I thought It may have meant something.
You knew I fucking opened myself up too it,
and I didn't even want too in the begining.
I thought I could trust you.
really.
It's really dissapointing too see the side Burky referd too of you.

You're not just scared of getting out,
You are scared of relationships.
Until you grow up,
your not ever gonna find something real.
You WONT.

I hope you have fun,
partying, drinking your fucking beers,
and fucking these girls that mean nothing too you,
And you mean NOTHING too them.

Because you're not happy.
Michigan isn't gonna cure this,
fuck.
those beers, girls nothing is gonna cure this.
I can't cure it.
Your friends can't cure it.

It's fucking you.
You're the only one.
and you don't even realize it.

It's because you're scared.
You're NEVER gonna have that book store.
You're gonna be nothing just like you told me.

just because you're scared.
and maybe I'm saying this because I'm pissed.

Because some how,
you've got it put in my head that this is my fault.
but I don't even know.
I'm so confused.

I don't know what I want, I thought I stated too know.
But you messed all my ideas up.

You don't know what you want.

thanks for comming along and fucking my shit up that much more.
I was soo fine before I met you.
REALLY.

I always set my self up for these things.
so thank you.
REALLY.

I just wont do it again.
because I'm done with Dating.

Even though I'm not sure if I still like you, or if I miss you.
or if I hate you..
Which I don't think I hate you.

I just don't like you,
and at the same time I still wish we were together.


Because well,
You're a hilarious kid.
You always made me smile.
your kisses were perfect,
and we had amazing sex.
I thought we had this really good bond,
and I guess I should of just known better.
Because I finally thought this was real,
and it just wasn't.

It didn't even occur too me that something was off.


I just wanna say FUCK YOU,
but I don't even mean it.


i hate that.

I really really do.
and you wont even know it,
because you say you wanna be friends.
but we are not going too be because I know you.


You're scared.
you just need too be brave and grow up.
and then you can have your bookstore and you can go soo far away from Arkansas,
and never even have too think about it.



I wonder If you'll ever think about me.
I wonder what I meant too you.
If it was mutual, or if I was just being a stupid girl.


I didn't love you,
But boy.
It's been ALONG time sence I have cared about some one the way I cared about you.

It's not even fair too compare it to anything else.

Because you were not like anything else before you.

It was sooo differant than everything.
why did you have too make it out too be everything was okay?
Why can't you just tell me the truth?
why can't you be brave?

It just really sucks.

I don't even wanna continue writting this,
Maybe I'll write again when I have something good too say.

I set my self up for constant dissapointment.

Scotty broke up with me aproximently 45 minutes after I finished that last post.

: /

Oh well.



I guess that answers If we are "serious" or not.
Haha.


Well cheers too a wonderful day.

So long Ryan Scott Theunissen.